What is this ?? A Center for ANTS !!!

Ad ref# 8587300

Hospital Photo I.D outtake #259

100% certain I could beat you in a long-distance spitting competition.

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Are you looking for the BEST housemate ever?
Well, I don't own a physical award, but, if I were to ever enter an official contest, I suspect I would come in top 5.

But don't take my word for it. Here's what some other people said:
- 'Kept his room tidy, always cleaned the dishes. He will always be my baby' - Chris' Mum
- 'OMG I wish I lived with him' - Random girl on the street
- 'Could he BE a better roommate' - Chandler Muriel Bing

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About me: Small Asian with Big heart seeking new home. I am 6ft, 76kg - so not that small, but fairly flexible and I can curl up into a tight ball so don't take up much room.
Having survived to the ripe old age of 28 (and 1/5th) I am pretty much a full grown adult. Nonetheless, I'm still woefully inept at general adults things such as investing in the stock market and knowing when to stop drinking.
I'm fully house trained meaning I will never pee the rug. Strict Asian parenting plus 10 years of house sharing + hostel jumping + couch surfing means I'm a tidy and considerate individual to live with. I`m super chill - feel free to lay around the house hungover unless it's 4 days in a row, in which, I suggest you sort your life out.

I'm often busy, pretending to work, but I'm easily distracted. I am happy to lounge about together watching trash TV or pretentious foreign cinema. Looking for a token Asian friend to show all your non-Asian friends that you're cultured? Look no further - I AM YOUR FLIPPING MAN! I will gladly share a bottle of wine with you after you've had a rubbish day at work. Or, if you really hate yourself, get horrendously drunk with ya and share a questionable kebab. Hold up! You don't like doner meat with diabetes! Say no more. I took a single cooking class in Chiang Mai and once met Ainsley Harriott. My beans on toast recipe will knock your bloody socks off. You wanna go out after? Not much a party animal these days - when I go out-out, I usually just try to find my way back home. However, remind me you only YOLO once and I'm happy to cut rug on the dance floor / embarrass ourselves in front of strangers / end up at some randoms house party at 4 in the morning, questioning, FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, when are we gonna be too old for this shirt.

Not looking for a super social housemate? Well frack me dead! I am your knight in shining (introverted) armour. You wouldn't hear a peep! In a past life, I was probably a Ninja - and then a Ghost!! Even if I crawl in at 5:14 am after sinking 21 Jagerbombs and bossing the 50 Chicken McNuggets challenge - clinically, I should be dead, but I am not dead, I feel so FRACKING ALIVE - but, I will still be silent as a fox!! I'm not going to loudly phone my ex for a booty call. I will email her because I'm a professional. This is the point where people start to fade out so a perfect time to confess that I watch the 'World's Loudest Explosions Caught on Camera' back to back and that I am into butt stuff.

Jokes aside, despite ALL of the above, I'm a relatively normal guy (only watched 'World's Loudest Explosions' twice and I am not really into butt stuff) who, I would be totally stoked to live with. Like, if we went to a costume party dressed as a horse, I would volunteer to be the arse end and let you be the face - that's how much of a nice guy I am. Seriously though, NO Butt Stuff.

So Congratulations Pal!
If you've made it this far through my donkey brained verbosity (a manifestation of ADHD + procrastinating from actual work) - it is likely, we will really get along. I am easy going so whatever. Do you like stuff? Or things? Do you think, on occasion? Yes! Really?? No fricking way, me too!! We have so much in common; we should hang out, and think, occasionally, Together!
So ask yourself: Are you tired of showing abnormally normal people around your place, hoping to God they don't turn around and murder you? Well, hold onto your BUTTS people because your search is coming to end. So be brave - drop me a line if you have a room going, want to buddy up, or tell me about a compelling dream you had recently.

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Buddy up information

Buddying up is a cool idea when there's a house advertised for two or more people, and last I checked, I am only one person.

An ideal buddy would be someone who knows the lyrics to "American Boy", because right now, I am singing both parts by Kanye and Estelle, and as you could appreciate, I feel like an idiot.

Whole properties I'm interested in

  • Chris
  • 28, male
  • Double room wanted
  • Buddy Ups* welcome

Total budget: £888 pcm


02 Oct 2019
Minimum term
4 months
Maximum term

Looking in

  • Beckenham
  • Brixton
  • Bromley
  • Bromley or Keston
  • Carshalton
  • Clapham, Battersea & Wandsworth
  • Coulsdon
  • Croydon
  • Dulwich
  • Hackney & Clapton
  • Lewisham, Catford & Forest Hill
  • Mitcham
  • Morden
  • Northwood
  • Peckham to Deptford
  • Purley
  • Richmond
  • South Croydon
  • Sydenham, Norwood & Crystal Palace
  • The East End
  • The South Bank
  • Thornton Heath
  • Tooting & Streatham
  • West Wickham
  • Wimbledon
  • Zone 1
  • Zone 2 - South of the River

Amenities required

  • furnished room
  • shared living room
  • broadband
  • washing machine
  • garden/roof terrace

About me

Any pets?
Magnets, Being horizontal, Nicholas Cage movies, Hammering some drywall, Crying in the shower listening to Adele.

New household preferences

Smokers OK?
Pets OK?
Don't mind
Min age
Max age
Males or females
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